I want to make a zoo with you.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
