Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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