How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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