My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
