to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize