I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
