My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm both gender and math confused
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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