When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
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I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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