You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
