I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize