you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We're too hungover to prance.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
