Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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