Did you just see the Batmobile???
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I think my moral compass just broke
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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