Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
