I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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