your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
