the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
