Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
40s are totally the cure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize