Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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