Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We are all done wearing pants today
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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