Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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