my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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