I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How does it feel to date your dad?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
