I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
