last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize