my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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