are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
