Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
