the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
