So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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