No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
