We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
