Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
