Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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