ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
