when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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