Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
