Porn is love you can see.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My vagina is officially offended.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
