every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
