You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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