I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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