this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
