Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
