Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Please don't give away my fajitas
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
