do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
