I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
