I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
