the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
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When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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