if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
