Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
