bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize