she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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