i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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