Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
