i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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