He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
then he tried to convert me to islam
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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