My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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