So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
