Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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