careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
