my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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