Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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