Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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