Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize