Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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