Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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