The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
